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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

These pictures and videos are completely random and have no relevance to anything.  But they’re funny.  Here’s hoping they make you laugh so hard you launch the contents of your milk glass across the room through your nasal proboscis.  Or your nose, for those particular folk.  Enjoy!

 

bunker copy

 

 

And then we got our pictures developed from our trip...

And then we got our pictures developed from our trip...

 

fail-owned-bologna-meat-fail copy

 

They never put this in Band of Brothers...

They never put this in Band of Brothers...

 

What the heck is going on here?  I'm not sure I want to know.

What the heck is going on here? I'm not sure I want to know.

I think he's played a liiiiiitle too much Zelda.

I think he's played a liiiiiitle too much Zelda.

 

So the other day I was walking around in the street with my tutu, assault rifle, and high-heeled shoes like normal, when the darnedest thing happened...

So the other day I was cross-dressing again, walking down the street with my tutu, assault rifle, and high-heeled shoes like normal, when the darnedest thing happened...

 

Me and Earl built ourselves some government mind-reading defensive helmets...

Me and Earl built ourselves some government mind-reading defensive helmets...

 

Wow.  There's nothing to say.  Nothing.

Wow. There's nothing to say. Nothing.

Thanks to failblog.org and pictureisunrelated.com for some laughs.

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I see Jesus in my oatmeal!

 

Only people who God really loves can see it...

Only people who God really loves can see it...

Jesus was spotted again.  He was apparently seen in a very holy place–on a seat-cushion in a small Catholic church on the island of Reunion in the Indian Ocean.  The King of Kings, enthroned in glory, on the thing you put your butt on…um…sure.  I know he had humble beginnings and everything, but golly.  You can read about the whole thing here.

 

 

 

I think that the whole Jesus-images-on-things is being managed very poorly.  We could make a whole lot more money if we weren’t so limited–if we didn’t just limit our visions to Jesus in seat cushions, toast, oatmeal, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  Can’t we manage to create more of a spiritual aura than a day-old grilled cheese?  I have a great idea for really capitalizing on this phenomenon: let’s create images of Muhammed, Buddha, Confucius, Baha’u’llah, and Moses in random things that we want to sell in order to up their resale value and finance our new LCD 60 inch TV: your old car, used jeans, discarded computer components (you’d have to etch the image really really small).  We could have a line for all people who want to have an image in their oatmeal to adore over breakfast.  We could sell Bono on toast, and we could charge admission into our backyards to see the little image of Hitler in the dog doo.  Appropriately.

The face of Homer Simpson on a gourd.  Kept in the Secret Vatican Archives. ahem.

The face of Homer Simpson on a gourd. Kept in the Secret Vatican Archives. ahem.

 

 

 

Oh, the things we could do!  But please don’t suggest thinking too hard about it.  God forbid we use our God-given reason and scripture together to determine what is true from what is false.  Then things would be way more boring and definitely less lucrative for all of us.  

 

 

 

 

The one on the right sold for $25,000.   Almost %100 profit!  I'm in!

The one on the right sold for $25,000. I'm in!

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It is a sad commentary on our society (and particularly on the farces masquerading as network television news programs) when some of the most poignant criticism and analysis of the culture comes from a show that comes on right after Futurama.  This is, of course, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  

Jon Stewart and I don’t agree on everything, but we do have a lot in common, apart from our first name.  Recently he has become something of a hero to me because he has the stones to openly criticize people who are doing dumb things.  He was a guest on Crossfire in 2004 and made everyone surprisingly uncomfortable when he refused to play the role of “funny guy” and instead spoke eloquently, seriously, and critically about the role of shows like Crossfire and their journalistic and ethical duty to the public.  It was one of the best face-to-face criticisms I’ve ever seen on television.

Last week, Jon Stewart ran a piece on his comedy show criticizing the CNBC network and especially its financial programs.  Jim Cramer, former hedge fund manager and host of the show Mad Money, got uber-defensive and decided to fire back.  At a comedian.  Anybody who has ever been to see standup knows that you don’t heckle comedians unless you want your butt handed to you or force-fed to you.  And especially if it’s a comedian who is really smart and has a legitimate bone to pick with you.  And especially if he’s full of righteous anger.  

So anyway, Genius Jim decides to fire back, and CNBC gets defensive, too.  Which gives Jon Stewart more fuel to work with.  Finally, in what can only be called the sickest possible action taken by a television corporation, CNBC handed Jim Cramer to Jon Stewart to destroy, meaning Jim Cramer was a guest on The Daily Show.  In the course of this half-hour show, Jon Stewart repeatedly nailed Cramer to the wall.  He pulled out footage of things that Cramer had said that were at best morally dubious, and several times it looked like Cramer was about to break and start weeping like a little 5-year old.  The link to the entire show is here, and I highly recommend everyone watching it.  Stewart was relentless but fair, giving Cramer plenty of time to explain what he thought, but not letting him get away with anything.  

Various shows are framing this as a duel, but I appreciated it because it was a small moment of justice.  The wizard was unmasked, and though I’m sure it won’t change much, it was so satisfying to see someone who had admittedly lied over and over again get caught in his own web…on national TV.  

So for these couple of weeks, Jon Stewart is my hero.  And people can say that I ought to have a more mature hero than a comedian, but for these few weeks in America, this comedian was the most gutsy defender of the common American that we had.  Someone cared about justice this week…and he served it, if only in a small way.

If only more talk show hosts did the same!

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An interesting article from the NY Times having to do with various and sundry things related to the Pope.  Here are some excerpts:

 

“MADRID — The letter released Thursday in which Pope Benedict XVIadmitted that the Vatican had made “mistakes” in handling the case of a Holocaust-denying bishop was unprecedented in its directness, its humanity and its acknowledgment of papal fallibility.

But it also contained two sentences unique in the annals of church history.

“I have been told that consulting the information available on the Internet would have made it possible to perceive the problem early on,” Benedict wrote. “I have learned the lesson that in the future in the Holy See we will have to pay greater attention to that source of news.”

In other words: “Note to the Roman Curia: try Google.”

The Vatican, a 2,000-year-old monarchy built on the ruins of the Roman Empire and run by octogenarians, has officially recognized the demands of the 24-hour news cycle, not a 24-century one.”

 

 

Future policy in Vatican City?

Future policy in Vatican City?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another excerpt: 

“On Thursday, the Society of St. Pius X said it was ready to begin the doctrinal debates necessary for its return to full communion with the church. It conveyed the news in an e-mail message, in Latin, which instructed recipients “Ite ed vide,” or go and look, at its Web site, of course.”

 

When I want to really make my point, I always send email messages in latin.  

Don’t you?

-JMT

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The other day my illustrious co-worker and office-mate David innocuously mentioned a website that he thought was funny.  Like any hard-working and conscientious employee, I immediately took a break from the extremely difficult work I was doing to indulge in a few moments of laughs.  Several hours later the time approached 5:00 pm and I silently cursed my procrastination and not-so-silently blamed my coworker for messing up my chi for the day.  I thought I would post some links to this website, called Cracked.com, so that I can drag other people down into my own non-productivity, thus making my own self-esteem rise and therefore make myself feel better and less guilty.

My favorite things about this website are the lists they post, but more than just the mere fact that they have hilarious lists and do a little research, their writing is hilarious.  Sometimes crude, sometimes intelligent, but always funny, this website is definitely one to bookmark in my humble opinion.  Below are links to my favorite lists.  

1) in honor of Valentine’s Day, check out 5 Reasons Being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought.  

2) You must absolutely read this:  7 Items You Won’t Believe Are Actually Legal.

 

They would have listened to Milton if he walked in with this instead of the Swingline.

They would have listened to Milton if he walked in with this instead of the Swingline.

 

 

3) The 6 Most Insane Moral Panics in American History.  I haven’t actually read this one yet, but I’m looking forward to it, and how could you not be interested in something with this title?

4)  The 5 Most Ridiculous Lies Ever Published as Non-Fiction.  

5)  The worst offenders in the category of misogynistic TV ads.  Not an endorsement; but a collection with which to marvel at our own stupidity.  8 TV Ads That Hate Women. 

I also highly recommend one of the lists about really tough soldiers, but I wont’ link directly to it here.  It’s easy to find.  

I hope you laugh as much as I did.  I think my coworkers and students probably think I’m insane due to the fact that I laughed really loudly for about 2 straight hours.  I wonder what I would do if I heard someone belly-laughing in their office for a long time. At any rate, ye be warned!  consume at work only if you’re prepared to get nothing done for the rest of the day.  And if you’re sensitive to swearing, I’d suggest skipping this website.  Their posts, while flipping hilarious, aren’t known for especially flowery speech–you know–the kind Baptists or 7th Day Adventists use in church.

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This was on my friend Steve’s site, and I just couldn’t resist. They’re just so darned cute! And yet, I wonder if I would have thought they were cool when I was 9.

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